Regardless
of whether you speak English, German, Italian or even basic Thai, if you’re not
a native Thai, you won’t understand the subtle nuisances of Thai communication.
Here are my
Top 5 points to keep front of mind when interacting with Thai people.
1. Laughter
Thailand is
famously known as the Land of Smiles, but it’s also the land of laughter. A Thai person will inexplicably smile and
laugh when they don’t understand you, when they’re uncomfortable or when they
just don’t know what to say. In most
situations, their first instinct is to laugh and smile.
Even if the
Thai person has a good level of English, by nature they will quite often still
fall back on using smiles and laughter during conversation. Really, did you honestly think you were that
funny during your date!!!
Not so long
ago, I had to fly back to Australia for my Mum’s funeral. Our neighbour saw that I was waiting outside
the house with a bag and my wife explained to her why I was leaving. The neighbour looked at me, laughed and
smiled and then gave me hand respect. I
thought to myself, what the hell, why is she laughing!!! But I had to remember, that’s just what Thais
do.
So, don’t
think too much and just look past the smiles and more importantly, look past
the laughter. They’re not laughing at
you or your situation, they’re just laughing because that’s what they do.
2. Honesty
A Thai will
not tell you the truth if they believe that the truth will hurt your feelings
or cause either of you embarrassment.
When I first
started dating Thai girls, both in Australia and in Thailand, our communication
could become strained very easily due to my trust issues. I hold honesty and trust in the highest regard;
but Thais have a slightly different moral compass and will quite often tell
“white lies” in any given situation. So I
therefore had difficulty in my earlier relationships when I would uncover these
“white lies”.
I have since
learned at a lot about interacting with Thai people and in so doing, learned a
lot about myself. Unless you are talking
about Thai girls that have been hurt and deceived by Western men, most Thais
don’t want to cause harm by telling “white lies”, they are simply trying to
protect your feelings, not cause embarrassment or to use the lie to help the
process of simply going with the flow.
Mai Pen Rai
Your average
Thai would never openly criticize a bad meal at a restaurant or even complain
that they didn’t receive what they had ordered.
They would just not be honest about the situation to avoid causing a
scene or embarrassment.
By the way,
thousands of Thai girls come to Australia each year to earn money, sorry I mean
to find a husband, no sorry, I mean to study.
Yes, that’s right, to study. So
if an Aussie wants to meet a Thai girl, he doesn’t have to travel all the way
to Thailand to do it. I’m guessing that
this is probably the same in many English speaking countries.
Please use
the comments section to tell me if this is the same where you live.
3. Eye contact
I often ask
my wife this question – “How can you be listening to me if you’re not looking
at me?”
She could be
doing any number of things; playing with the dog, looking at her phone or even
just staring at a tree, anything but looking at me. However, she assures me that I have her
undivided attention and that she’s hanging on my every word. Mai pen rai
Sometimes I
will ask her to tell me what I’ve said and most times yes, she has been
listening. On the odd occasion when she
can’t, she’ll blame her bad English.
Women, you can’t win…..
In most
western countries, it’s important to make eye contact with a person during
conversation. In Thai, not so much. A Thai would be happy having a conversation
with you without needing to look at you even once. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but often
it’s verging on that point.
Thai women
often post comments on the Thai webboard / forum, Pantip, complaining about how
they keep getting into trouble from their farang boyfriend for not looking at
him when he’s talking.
Perhaps we
farang men should get over ourselves and not sweat the little things, what
we’re saying probably isn’t that earth shattering anyway.
4. I know what you want, I don’t need to ask
you!
Thais have a
tendency of thinking that they know what you want or need without having to ask
you. Or is that just women in general…
My
experience tells me that most Thai’s are like this, but I’m not 100% sure if
it’s cultural or just due to a potential language barrier. Your average Thai doesn’t tend to worry too
much about the small stuff, so if in their mind something is not important,
they won’t consult you before making a decision on your behalf. Conversely, if your girlfriend / wife
believes that an important decision is to be made, she will defer entirely to
your “good” judgment. Thai women allow
men to be men.
I’ll ask my
wife, “why are we doing this” or “what’s this I’m eating” and on most occasions
she’ll answer, “it’s good for your health”.
How can I
argue with that!
So shut up
husband, I know what’s good for you (she would never actually say that, not out
loud anyway).
5. Up to You
Arai Kor Dai
(Up to You / Whatever you Want) and Mai Pen Rai (That’s OK / No Problem)
You will
often hear these phrases in Thailand, they are not used out of habit, your
average Thai is genuinely happy to just go with the flow or to put themselves
out for someone that they love.
It’s not
that they don’t care, but they don’t like conflict and they certainly don’t
like embarrassing themselves and other people.
They will even inconvenience themselves so that they don’t inconvenience
others.
I had a
situation recently where there was a truck parked outside a shop and the driver
was walking to and from the truck with his delivery. My wife wanted to get off the footpath and
walk around the truck so that she didn’t inconvenience the delivery man.
I said
“So you’re
happy to walk in the traffic, where there is the potential for you to be hit by
a car, just so you don’t interrupt the delivery man?”
She said
“Yes”
I said
“Mental. We’re walking this way. Stay on the footpath.” Hahaha
By the way,
the general rule of “Up to You” is somewhat reversed when you start to talk
about the roads in Thailand. Thai
drivers can be extremely selfish and most have formed very bad habits when
driving. My wife is always saying to me
“let him go, don’t worry about him”, after I have just been cut off or someone
is doing a U-turn from the middle lane.
I guess it’s
only the people who are on the receiving end of bad driving who say Arai Kor
Dai and Mai Pen Rai. It can be so
dangerous to push an issue on the roads here.
People have been shot and killed for simply using their car horn in
Thailand. But that’s a story for another
time.
I hope that
you found my little chat interesting. I
would love to hear from you and read your comments.
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Take care
Brad &
Ta
